You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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