im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
