gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
