apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
