just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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