ugly people sure do ruin things
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
