i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
