I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
