I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
