Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I will be naked everywhere
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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