If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
