...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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