Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
