so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
