I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Terrible idea I love it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
