shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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