Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize