Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i think my cat just said my name.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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