I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
