I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
