My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
