Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm really into asian looking animals
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
