I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
