So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
