Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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