I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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