If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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