I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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