The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize