The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
