Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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