with your own penis?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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