When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
