is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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