Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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