God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
