Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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