We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
