dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm both gender and math confused
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize