escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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