R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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