you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
