Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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