after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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