when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
bring money and cleavage
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
