Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
