Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's never too late to be topless.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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