There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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