Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
