it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
