So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize