Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
