You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
