I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
thus making me awesome and them whores
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
