Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
