Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
