Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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