And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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