just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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