I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
