Got a toothbrush?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
