I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
