he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize