Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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