WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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