the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
