So drunk its hurt
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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