Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
