two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
