matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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