Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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