Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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