I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
