somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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