good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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