Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
