mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
