i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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