I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
