I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
