You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
