oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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