HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize