if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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