I'm really into asian looking animals
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
