we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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