the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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