U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize