your parents love me but you hate me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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