I'm really into asian looking animals
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
