So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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